I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
