the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mom said you looked used
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
