I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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