Do you still have your period?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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