grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
