i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I supernannyed him into submission
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
