no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize