Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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