I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
