she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
