how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize