why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
