I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
