it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
