there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
