Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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