im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize