i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
