On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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