Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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