I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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