You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
