Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I sprained my soul last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
