did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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