the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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