"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
