I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize