After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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