she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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