Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
