and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
