he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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