Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
