i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize