I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My ass is underappreciated
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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