If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
nutella sex= disaster
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
