Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
