Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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