no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
