His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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