Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize