hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
