in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
