Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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