She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
