Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
