Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
