My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
