Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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