I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
