My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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