Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
