I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
