Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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