I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
