wanna go halves on a baby?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
