apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
