Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
