and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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