My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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