and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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