im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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