From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
