I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
