Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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