I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
