Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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