just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
