i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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