There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
