i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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