Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
