after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
