Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
