Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
