im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
