Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The uberlube is also flammable
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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