im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize