paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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