Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
