Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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