He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
