dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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