my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
