He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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