when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
