He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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