I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Randomize
