the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
whose parrot is this?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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