saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ketchup is God's man juice
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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