I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
