Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
