I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
