Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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