So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Less talking, more tequila
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
