No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
