It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
