dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize