are you still at the devil's house?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
