the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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