Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You can't special order awesome
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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