when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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